Hopefully the LiveJournal vibes can be captured. Loved the voice posting. It was so long ago now. Here’s my attempt!
A voice post
I don’t think I could do any other job. Sometimes I think I could, but that’s only at moments where I haven’t been properly caffeinated and/or self-medicated.
I took this position ABD, on the understanding that if I didn’t finish in 3 years, I would lose this job. Didn’t bother me much until the summer between year 2 and 3.
Getting motivated to sit down and write wasn’t so hard. I wouldn’t force myself. I would go out and find someone delivering beer and watch them. For as terrible as that job looked, imagining doing it for 8 hours a day 5 days a week was enough. I’d come home and sit down at the keyboard no problem.
My friend just called me: “I spent all day yesterday reading a book!” Amazing life we have, I think. “Good,” I say, “What was it?” She is also le professor, but not in rhetoric.
“On Writing, by Stephen King. I’ve never really read him, have you?”
“In High School, yea, I read him some,” I lied. I think I was really obsessed with The Stand, which replaced my boring Chemistry class, and the Gunslinger series, I think it is called The Dark Tower.
“He says you should just sit down and pop off the first draft and go back to it later to do a second draft.”
“Do you think it’s possible to write like that?” I’m pretty uncertain about getting advice from people who have a talent. Hence my suspicion of hiring people who have won a lot of debate tournaments to coach or teach debate. People who have finaled after a struggle, or won a bit, that indicates to me something other than talent. Perhaps it’s all talent and I just prefer a particular kind.
“Sure why not,” she says. “I mean, he might be a genius or something though, but it might be good. How do you do it?”
“I used to watch people deliver beer; it doesn’t work like it used to.”
“Oh?”
“I guess it will work in July or August.”
“You’re weird.”
Yes, I know. “I need to explore new techniques. I have plenty of ideas to write about.”
“What’s your favorite idea?”
“Right now I really like putting conversations from my everyday life into my blog”
“What just like they happen?”
“Yea, well,” I wonder if I should give it all away over the phone. “I make them into little plays.”
“Ok. Sounds weird.” The compulsion to repeat. “Do you just put them in unedited.”
“Well. I do sort of bend them a little, but not much.” Gave it away. I sigh.
“Do you do anything other than plays?”
“Thinking about doing something different.”
The truth of the matter is pretty naive. Writing something is working on all of your writing, I think. But I also believe it’s a cover for procrastination.
What if there’s a finite amount of energy you have for writing in a given day? What if I’m wasting it? What about all those projects in that notebook?
Time is pretty finite, of that we can be sure enough.
I don’t think I could do any other job. Sometimes I think I could, but that’s only at moments where I haven’t been properly caffeinated and/or self-medicated.
I took this position ABD, on the understanding that if I didn’t finish in 3 years, I would lose this job. Didn’t bother me much until the summer between year 2 and 3.
Getting motivated to sit down and write wasn’t so hard. I wouldn’t force myself. I would go out and find someone delivering beer and watch them. For as terrible as that job looked, imagining doing it for 8 hours a day 5 days a week was enough. I’d come home and sit down at the keyboard no problem.
My friend just called me: “I spent all day yesterday reading a book!” Amazing life we have, I think. “Good,” I say, “What was it?” She is also le professor, but not in rhetoric.
“On Writing, by Stephen King. I’ve never really read him, have you?”
“In High School, yea, I read him some,” I lied. I think I was really obsessed with The Stand, which replaced my boring Chemistry class, and the Gunslinger series, I think it is called The Dark Tower.
“He says you should just sit down and pop off the first draft and go back to it later to do a second draft.”
“Do you think it’s possible to write like that?” I’m pretty uncertain about getting advice from people who have a talent. Hence my suspicion of hiring people who have won a lot of debate tournaments to coach or teach debate. People who have finaled after a struggle, or won a bit, that indicates to me something other than talent. Perhaps it’s all talent and I just prefer a particular kind.
“Sure why not,” she says. “I mean, he might be a genius or something though, but it might be good. How do you do it?”
“I used to watch people deliver beer; it doesn’t work like it used to.”
“Oh?”
“I guess it will work in July or August.”
“You’re weird.”
Yes, I know. “I need to explore new techniques. I have plenty of ideas to write about.”
“What’s your favorite idea?”
“Right now I really like putting conversations from my everyday life into my blog”
“What just like they happen?”
“Yea, well,” I wonder if I should give it all away over the phone. “I make them into little plays.”
“Ok. Sounds weird.” The compulsion to repeat. “Do you just put them in unedited.”
“Well. I do sort of bend them a little, but not much.” Gave it away. I sigh.
“Do you do anything other than plays?”
“Thinking about doing something different.”
The truth of the matter is pretty naive. Writing something is working on all of your writing, I think. But I also believe it’s a cover for procrastination.
What if there’s a finite amount of energy you have for writing in a given day? What if I’m wasting it? What about all those projects in that notebook?
Time is pretty finite, of that we can be sure enough.
CURTAIN rises on a very sparsely furnished office with a few books on the floor and some gutted computers here and there. A man sits staring at a computer screen wearing a headset like he’s doing voice recognition software training, but says nothing. A young man in a very nice monogrammed polo sits at a desk.
The door opens, enter the disheveled rhetoric professor
Polo: HELLO THERE! leaps up with a smile
Prof: oh, hi, yes
Polo: Can I help you?
Prof: I spoke to someone on the phone about a sick netbook?
Polo: THAT WAS ME! (excitement)
Prof: well nice to meet you in person. My computer won’t take a charge.
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a bit, come sit and let me tell you about our training programs! Do you know much about computers?
Prof: A bit, I think, I’m never sure (Puts backpack on the desk and starts opening it)
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a bit, we have (Prof takes out netbook and surprisingly some sand)
Prof: Ah, sorry I thought I got rid of that
Polo: Now we have this special on A+ training
Prof: The beach never really leaves does it?
Polo: Ah, no I guess not. Will you have a seat?
Prof: I thought I got it all, but I thought I got rid of it all two or three times now. Sorry! (tries to put it back in the bag)
Polo: We are running a special
Prof: (giving up on the sand) Well it’s yours now. So this netbook won’t charge. You really have to play with the wire (starts to demonstrate)
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a few minutes, but wouldn’t you like to learn to put a computer together yourself with A+ certification?
Prof: (sits down) Sure. Tell me about the special.
Polo: You could become a network technician, or a computer support specialist in two months! What are you doing now? Are you helping people?
Prof: (suddenly attentive) THAT is the best question I’ve had all day.
(They stare at one another. Headset man pushes buttons)
Polo: For the rest of your life, you will use computers.
Prof: This is true.
Polo: What are you doing now?
Prof: Wondering if I really help people.
(A pause)
Prof: I’m sorry about the sand.
Polo: Listen, we will teach you how to test a power supply, how to partition a hard drive, and how to tell if a computer is properly cooled. You can fix any computer, even one that’s been to the beach! HAH HAH
Prof: I sort of brought the beach to it, but it wasn’t my fault. . anyway, I know enough about computers not to bring one to the beach. How much to fix my computer?
Polo: The course could mean a new career for you.
Prof: That’s a nice idea but it’s not possible.
Polo: What do you do now?
Prof: I’m a university professor.
Polo: Oh! Teaching what?
Prof: Rhetoric.
(a pause)
Prof: Communication
Polo: WONDERFUL. That is the most valuable skill. And computers!
Prof: Yes.
Polo: The course is $600 dollars.
Prof: No thanks
Polo: Just for you
Prof: Can we fix my netbook now?
Polo: It’s a great way to help people
Prof: You keep saying that. What about my computer?
Polo: I will open up your computer! And I will make recommendations.
Prof: Ok. How much?
Polo: twenty-five dollars
Prof: Better than getting a new one
Polo: I will call you tomorrow with the results.
CURTAIN
The door opens, enter the disheveled rhetoric professor
Polo: HELLO THERE! leaps up with a smile
Prof: oh, hi, yes
Polo: Can I help you?
Prof: I spoke to someone on the phone about a sick netbook?
Polo: THAT WAS ME! (excitement)
Prof: well nice to meet you in person. My computer won’t take a charge.
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a bit, come sit and let me tell you about our training programs! Do you know much about computers?
Prof: A bit, I think, I’m never sure (Puts backpack on the desk and starts opening it)
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a bit, we have (Prof takes out netbook and surprisingly some sand)
Prof: Ah, sorry I thought I got rid of that
Polo: Now we have this special on A+ training
Prof: The beach never really leaves does it?
Polo: Ah, no I guess not. Will you have a seat?
Prof: I thought I got it all, but I thought I got rid of it all two or three times now. Sorry! (tries to put it back in the bag)
Polo: We are running a special
Prof: (giving up on the sand) Well it’s yours now. So this netbook won’t charge. You really have to play with the wire (starts to demonstrate)
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a few minutes, but wouldn’t you like to learn to put a computer together yourself with A+ certification?
Prof: (sits down) Sure. Tell me about the special.
Polo: You could become a network technician, or a computer support specialist in two months! What are you doing now? Are you helping people?
Prof: (suddenly attentive) THAT is the best question I’ve had all day.
(They stare at one another. Headset man pushes buttons)
Polo: For the rest of your life, you will use computers.
Prof: This is true.
Polo: What are you doing now?
Prof: Wondering if I really help people.
(A pause)
Prof: I’m sorry about the sand.
Polo: Listen, we will teach you how to test a power supply, how to partition a hard drive, and how to tell if a computer is properly cooled. You can fix any computer, even one that’s been to the beach! HAH HAH
Prof: I sort of brought the beach to it, but it wasn’t my fault. . anyway, I know enough about computers not to bring one to the beach. How much to fix my computer?
Polo: The course could mean a new career for you.
Prof: That’s a nice idea but it’s not possible.
Polo: What do you do now?
Prof: I’m a university professor.
Polo: Oh! Teaching what?
Prof: Rhetoric.
(a pause)
Prof: Communication
Polo: WONDERFUL. That is the most valuable skill. And computers!
Prof: Yes.
Polo: The course is $600 dollars.
Prof: No thanks
Polo: Just for you
Prof: Can we fix my netbook now?
Polo: It’s a great way to help people
Prof: You keep saying that. What about my computer?
Polo: I will open up your computer! And I will make recommendations.
Prof: Ok. How much?
Polo: twenty-five dollars
Prof: Better than getting a new one
Polo: I will call you tomorrow with the results.
CURTAIN
CURTAIN rises on a very sparsely furnished office with a few books on the floor and some gutted computers here and there. A man sits staring at a computer screen wearing a headset like he’s doing voice recognition software training, but says nothing. A young man in a very nice monogrammed polo sits at a desk.
The door opens, enter the disheveled rhetoric professor
Polo: HELLO THERE! leaps up with a smile
Prof: oh, hi, yes
Polo: Can I help you?
Prof: I spoke to someone on the phone about a sick netbook?
Polo: THAT WAS ME! (excitement)
Prof: well nice to meet you in person. My computer won’t take a charge.
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a bit, come sit and let me tell you about our training programs! Do you know much about computers?
Prof: A bit, I think, I’m never sure (Puts backpack on the desk and starts opening it)
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a bit, we have (Prof takes out netbook and surprisingly some sand)
Prof: Ah, sorry I thought I got rid of that
Polo: Now we have this special on A+ training
Prof: The beach never really leaves does it?
Polo: Ah, no I guess not. Will you have a seat?
Prof: I thought I got it all, but I thought I got rid of it all two or three times now. Sorry! (tries to put it back in the bag)
Polo: We are running a special
Prof: (giving up on the sand) Well it’s yours now. So this netbook won’t charge. You really have to play with the wire (starts to demonstrate)
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a few minutes, but wouldn’t you like to learn to put a computer together yourself with A+ certification?
Prof: (sits down) Sure. Tell me about the special.
Polo: You could become a network technician, or a computer support specialist in two months! What are you doing now? Are you helping people?
Prof: (suddenly attentive) THAT is the best question I’ve had all day.
(They stare at one another. Headset man pushes buttons)
Polo: For the rest of your life, you will use computers.
Prof: This is true.
Polo: What are you doing now?
Prof: Wondering if I really help people.
(A pause)
Prof: I’m sorry about the sand.
Polo: Listen, we will teach you how to test a power supply, how to partition a hard drive, and how to tell if a computer is properly cooled. You can fix any computer, even one that’s been to the beach! HAH HAH
Prof: I sort of brought the beach to it, but it wasn’t my fault. . anyway, I know enough about computers not to bring one to the beach. How much to fix my computer?
Polo: The course could mean a new career for you.
Prof: That’s a nice idea but it’s not possible.
Polo: What do you do now?
Prof: I’m a university professor.
Polo: Oh! Teaching what?
Prof: Rhetoric.
(a pause)
Prof: Communication
Polo: WONDERFUL. That is the most valuable skill. And computers!
Prof: Yes.
Polo: The course is $600 dollars.
Prof: No thanks
Polo: Just for you
Prof: Can we fix my netbook now?
Polo: It’s a great way to help people
Prof: You keep saying that. What about my computer?
Polo: I will open up your computer! And I will make recommendations.
Prof: Ok. How much?
Polo: twenty-five dollars
Prof: Better than getting a new one
Polo: I will call you tomorrow with the results.
CURTAIN
The door opens, enter the disheveled rhetoric professor
Polo: HELLO THERE! leaps up with a smile
Prof: oh, hi, yes
Polo: Can I help you?
Prof: I spoke to someone on the phone about a sick netbook?
Polo: THAT WAS ME! (excitement)
Prof: well nice to meet you in person. My computer won’t take a charge.
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a bit, come sit and let me tell you about our training programs! Do you know much about computers?
Prof: A bit, I think, I’m never sure (Puts backpack on the desk and starts opening it)
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a bit, we have (Prof takes out netbook and surprisingly some sand)
Prof: Ah, sorry I thought I got rid of that
Polo: Now we have this special on A+ training
Prof: The beach never really leaves does it?
Polo: Ah, no I guess not. Will you have a seat?
Prof: I thought I got it all, but I thought I got rid of it all two or three times now. Sorry! (tries to put it back in the bag)
Polo: We are running a special
Prof: (giving up on the sand) Well it’s yours now. So this netbook won’t charge. You really have to play with the wire (starts to demonstrate)
Polo: I will look at your netbook in a few minutes, but wouldn’t you like to learn to put a computer together yourself with A+ certification?
Prof: (sits down) Sure. Tell me about the special.
Polo: You could become a network technician, or a computer support specialist in two months! What are you doing now? Are you helping people?
Prof: (suddenly attentive) THAT is the best question I’ve had all day.
(They stare at one another. Headset man pushes buttons)
Polo: For the rest of your life, you will use computers.
Prof: This is true.
Polo: What are you doing now?
Prof: Wondering if I really help people.
(A pause)
Prof: I’m sorry about the sand.
Polo: Listen, we will teach you how to test a power supply, how to partition a hard drive, and how to tell if a computer is properly cooled. You can fix any computer, even one that’s been to the beach! HAH HAH
Prof: I sort of brought the beach to it, but it wasn’t my fault. . anyway, I know enough about computers not to bring one to the beach. How much to fix my computer?
Polo: The course could mean a new career for you.
Prof: That’s a nice idea but it’s not possible.
Polo: What do you do now?
Prof: I’m a university professor.
Polo: Oh! Teaching what?
Prof: Rhetoric.
(a pause)
Prof: Communication
Polo: WONDERFUL. That is the most valuable skill. And computers!
Prof: Yes.
Polo: The course is $600 dollars.
Prof: No thanks
Polo: Just for you
Prof: Can we fix my netbook now?
Polo: It’s a great way to help people
Prof: You keep saying that. What about my computer?
Polo: I will open up your computer! And I will make recommendations.
Prof: Ok. How much?
Polo: twenty-five dollars
Prof: Better than getting a new one
Polo: I will call you tomorrow with the results.
CURTAIN